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Saturday, March 14, 2015

Printed books are the best! Also.... UNICORNS!



PAPER BOOKS ARE THE BEST!!!1!One!

I’ve heard the ebooks vs. printed books debate a hundred times—many of those times things get heated. I am an ardent believer that people should read what and how they want. Like to read on paper? Cool. So do I. Wanna read off a screen? Okay, do that. I like doing that too. Same goes for if you prefer your books chiseled on stone, or painted on the walls of French caves, or hand written by albino monks on the flesh of your enemies… uh… we’ll come back to that last one….

The point of this post is not to debate which side is better—because every time that debate pops up it quickly devolves into one side saying:


And the other side doing something like this:
The point of this post is, instead, to right a problem I’ve had with the debate since the first time I heard it. The arguments are entirely unoriginal.  “With a kindle, I can hold a million books in my pocket!” or “Printed books smell like unicorns!” Both are totally true, but just not original.

So, I am here to right that wrong. Today I present an entirely friendly challenge: I will give you a few original reasons why printed books are better than ebooks (bearing in mind I love ebooks too), and you try to come up with five original reasons why ebooks are better.  

Ready?

NUMBER ONE: Cops! Yeah, that’s right. Questioning suspects just wouldn’t be the same without a physical book. What are you going to hit them with? A kindle? No, those leave very distinctive marks. Without physical books the entire justice system would be in ruin.

NUMBER TWO:  You can hide stuff in books


NUMBER THREE:  No books = no bookshelves. No bookshelves means people will easily find your secret door to your bat-cave.

NUMBER FOUR:  It’s much cooler to make-out in the library or bookstore aisles, than it is the electronics aisle at Walmart (or any aisle at Walmart for that matter).

NUMBER FIVE: They are the go-to resource for wizards and witches. 

NUMBER SIX: If you want to be evil, you can rip out the last two pages of a book and reduce the next reader to tears. Always fun… if you’re evil… which I’m not… and am no way endorsing you to destroy books.

 NUMBER SEVEN: They smell like unicorn! (C’mon, that’s actually pretty original!)

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