My son is now two, and at long last we’ve started to find TV shows that he will watch for upwards of 15 minutes. Don’t get me wrong, I'm not anti-TV, and I don't limit him to 15 minutes a day. I would thank the stars if I could get him to watch a full 30 minutes of a show, but that’s just not in the cards at the moment.
Anyway, I’ve tried a number of kid-shows just to see if anything would click and in the process I’ve seen some things I’d like to forget.
What happened to children’s TV shows? Where’s Mr. Dress up or the Polk-a-dot Door? Casey and Pokaroo would hold my son’s attention, I’m sure of it, but if I had to guess those shows killed themselves when this latest round of kids programing entered the market.
Let’s get to it, shall we? It’s the month of Halloween, so I thought I’d point out some kid-shows that are CREEPY, and ones I’d very much like to see made into a Halloween movies… violent Halloween movies.
This one actually wouldn’t need a lot of work to turn into a Horror flick. If you haven’t seen it, let me give you a quick synopsis: Max and Ruby—two rabbits—are siblings living alone. Yep, that's about it. The parents aren’t anywhere to be found, and I’m fairly sure they’ve been murdered… no doubt by that psychopath Ruby. But, If Ruby’s not responsible, my money would be on the crazy grandma who pokes her head in every few days. I mean, seriously, where are social services?
Oh how I want this bald headed kid harmed.
I’ve never met a parent who likes this show. It’s one of the only shows my kid actually LOVES. I mean, he will actually sit and watch a full 15 minutes. That’s 15 minutes I can use to get stuff done, and so I’m grateful for that, Caillou, truly. Thank you. I just want your winy little voice to be permanently silenced.
|Feel free to print this image and use it in a gun range|
TOOPY AND BINOO
Yep, that’s the name of the show, and just so you’re adequately warned, it's just not possible to listen to the theme song and not want jump into a wood chipper. It’s a rat and a stuffed animal and I wish them both a slow death. You know what, the Halloween version of this show would be brilliant with the inclusion of a wood-chipper.
THOMAS THE TRAIN:
Um, am I the only one who thinks this is already a horror movie? The first time I tried this show on my son I had nightmares about those creepy human faces on the trains. Every time I see that show I want to throw holy water at the TV.
CLIFFORD THE BIG RED DOG:
I’ll end with this one. We all know the story, and I don’t actually hate this show, but I think it would make a great horror movie.
I mean, you have a giant dog on a secluded Island. I’d like to see Clifford get rabies and take down Birdwell Island like a … well, like a rabid dog! I want that blue dog, Machiavelli, to be the first casualty. I mean who names a dog Machiavelli? I’ll tell you who. Cat people, that's who.
*No offense, cat-people, I know you control the internet and I mean you no disrespect, but you have to admit, the name "Machiavelli" belongs to cats (or Italian philosophers I suppose).
So what about you guys? Any kids shows stand out in your mind as particularly horrifying? Do you remember any disturbing ones from your youth, or from when your kids were growing up? Let’s hear ‘em!